Maybe Peace Wasn't Such A Good Idea
by Opal Rain Dragon
Summary: This is an interesting little challenge fic. There is yaoi, lot's of cussing, drunkeness, possible stabbings, a dead Relena, and just way too much strangeness.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own gundam unfortunately. Well, I do, but not in real life, *pouts* only in my dreams.  
  
Author's Note: This is my little attempt at my own challenge fic. I made the requirements and me and my friends decided that we each would do our own version of it. The requirements are as follows:  
  
Heero has to attempt to shave his legs, nick himself, and then whine way too much about it.  
  
Quatre has to say "Wuz up dawg?"  
  
Relena has to have a creepy stalker person that kidnaps her, chops her into pieces, and sends those pieces to the group. Also, Heero has to make a comment to Dorothy about it being a fitting end for the bitch.  
  
Dorothy has to tie Quatre up and rape him because she feels she owes Quatre for the whole stabbing thing.  
  
Wufei has to be caught looking at porn. (You decide what type.)  
  
Duo has to be suspected of being Relena's murderer because he was mad at her for getting too close to his Heero and Trowa.  
  
Zechs has to get drunk and try to sing some humiliating pop song. (You decide which song.)  
  
Treize has to get all happy about receiving a squishy snow globe from a mysterious secret admirer. (You get to decide who the sender is. You should also make a note about Treize liking it because it feels like a booby. He's such a perv.)  
  
Quatre has to start listening to Slipknot and own their cd.  
  
Trowa has to want to join ICP.  
  
Wufei has to get mad at Duo and rape him.  
  
Treize has to be caught licking his new gift and possibly masturbating. (I have a squishy snow globe and I caught one of my guy friends doing that to it. *wrinkles her nose in disgust*)  
  
Heero has to continue whining about the nick and goes around pouting when no one pays any attention to him. Later, it has to get infected and he has to go to the hospital and get a bunch of shots and take foul tasting medication. (*shakes her head* Poor Heero, I feel your pain.)  
  
Quatre has to smash up his violin like the rock stars do with their guitars.  
  
Trowa has to nearly get gang raped by ICP because they start getting tired of him following them around.  
  
Noin has to decide that she wants to become an elementary school teacher. (I feel sorry, for Noin that is. Children are evil!)  
  
Rashid has to try and confront Quatre about his strange behavior and is told to fuck off and die.  
  
Lady Une gets locked up in a mental institution.  
  
Duo has to attempt to microwave a roach.  
  
Howard has to become a Jehovah's Witness, so Trowa tries to stab him like in the ICP song.  
  
Wufei is given a pet parrot that begins mimicking his every word, even things that are just plain wrong.  
  
One of the pilots finds a bottle of viagra and they begin to wonder whose it is. (You get to decide who finds it and who owns it.)  
  
Duo gets a pet slug and names it squiggy.  
  
Wufei's parrot has to eat Duo's slug. They have to have a funeral for it or else Duo would bug all of them to no end.  
  
Rashid finds a bong in Quatre's room.  
  
So those are the requirements and I can already tell this will be a somewhat long story. I'll get the first part up as soon as I can. Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. 


	2. Part One

Disclaimer: The usual.  
  
Warnings: Lot's of cussing, sexual situations, violent content, and all those other good things that make stories great in their own twisted kind of way.  
  
Author's Note: I sacrificed a good grade in art to get this done, seriously. I'm making an 11 in that class because I was too busy planning this story out, so you better enjoy. Also I know they act a bit out of character, but that's the humor of it.  
  
Maybe Peace Isn't Such A Great Idea  
  
With no more fighting and no more missions Heero had had just a little bit too much free time to think and often times he found himself wondering about Hilde's legs.  
  
During a threesome he had with her and Duo he had noticed that her legs were soft and silky smooth and to tell you the truth he felt jealous in a weird sort of way.  
  
Why can't guys have nice silky smooth legs too?  
  
So, with little thought at all he managed to steal himself one of Relena's razors and began to have his legs for the very first time.  
  
He found the monotonous motions of shaving very soothing and when he was done and in bed, he brushed his leg up against the other and was very pleased by the silky smoothness.  
  
After a couple of days he noticed, with much disappointment, that the hair on his legs was growing back stiff and itchy. He felt like a damn cactus.  
  
Instead of just letting it grow back he took a shower, picked up the razor, and began shaving again. It was like an addiction for him. He found he enjoyed the feel of a blade against his bare legs.  
  
He quickly sunk back into the monotonous motions of shaving, but something happened. Either he pressed too hard of he moved too fast because he had ended up nicking himself in the back of the ankle.  
  
It wasn't that he felt it or anything, he just kind of noticed the obscene amount of blood that was staining the water red.  
  
"Shit!" he cursed to himself and tried to continue with his shower as fast as he could so that he could tend to his wound, but as soon as the soap touched the cut he winced in pain. It stung real bad, a sharp, unbearable sting, but there was nothing he could do about it.  
  
He finished his shower, grabbed a towel to wrap around his naked body, and pressed a bit of toilet paper up against the wound.  
  
He then limped into the kitchen to get a band aid from the first aid kit, but Duo intercepted him.  
  
"Hey Hee-chan, you're trailing blood. What the fuck did ya do to yourself?" he asked in an overly cheerful voice.  
  
Heero pouted and gave Duo a pathetic look, not really knowing why he did this other than the fact that it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.  
  
"I nicked myself shaving," he said in a cute, whiny voice and then continued to pout.  
  
"You what?!!" Duo exclaimed and then burst into a fit of laughter.  
  
"You heard me," he replied in an icy tone that no longer held the cuteness his earlier statement had.  
  
"Aww, poor Hee-chan." Duo's voice was full of amusement as he watched the usually stoic pilot begin to pout again.  
  
"It hurt," he whined again, "Well, as first it didn't hurt, but as soon as the soap got in it, it did."  
  
"Aww, does wittle Hee-chan have a boo boo." Duo still felt the need to taunt his pouting lover even though he half expected to die for it, but strangely enough Heero didn't try to kill him, but continued with his childish whining.  
  
"I didn't even know it happened till I saw all the blood and it's still bleeding." His voice raised in pitch as he continued to whine. "It's just a little cut, but still, it's not normal for a cut to bleed that much."  
  
He shot another cute pitiful look at Duo, who was now attempting to not laugh at his lover's predicament.  
  
"Duo," he whined, "This isn't funny."  
  
His bottom lip began trembling and his eyes got a little misty.  
  
"You don't even care. I could be bleeding to death and you think it's funny."  
  
"Hee-chan, don't be ridiculous. It's just a little cut, that's all." Duo smugly informed Heero.  
  
"No it's not. I'm gonna bleed to death and you don't even care."  
  
Duo shook his head and got the first aid kit from the cabinet. "Come here and let me look at it."  
  
Heero sat down at one of the chairs and held his foot up for Duo to attend to.  
  
Duo picked out a neon green band aid and when he was done cleaning away all the blood carefully placed the band aid over the little nick, shaking his head in disbelief when realized just how small the cut actually was.  
  
Heero continued pouting and looking pathetic and when Duo was done he limped slowly off to bed.  
  
Duo shook his head one last time and walked off towards the bathroom. His lover never failed to surprise him.  
  
On his way to the bathroom he heard some horrible noise that only got louder as he neared Quatre's room. If he wasn't mistaken it sounded like extremely loud horrible yelling with drums in the background.  
  
He cautiously opened the blonde pilot's door and was hit full blast by the noise.  
  
"Quatre!" he screamed over the stereo system, "What the fuck is going on?"  
  
Suddenly the music, if you could call it that, was cut off and Quatre stood up and stumbled to the doorway with a silly grin plastered on his face.  
  
"Wuz up dawg?" Quatre asked and then had a little giggling fit that left him gasping for breath.  
  
Duo eyed the blonde suspiciously. "What the fuck was that noise?" he asked.  
  
"That's not noise, that's Slipknot," Quatre said defensively.  
  
"And what the fuck is Slipknot?" Duo continued to ask.  
  
"It's a band, " Quatre explained, "Their music has really grown on me."  
  
Duo snorted, "You call that music? Quatre, I always figured you had the best taste out of all of us, but I guess I was mistaken."  
  
"What's that suppose to mean?" Quatre asked indignantly.  
  
Duo shrugged, "Nothing. I'm going to take a shower and go to bed so could you keep the volume level to a minimum. Plus, I think Heero needs some peace and quiet, he's acting a little crazy."  
  
Duo walked off wondering what the fuck had leaked into the air vents while he was gone.  
  
Quatre watched Duo go and then sighed in what sounded suspiciously like relief. He then made his way downstairs and into the living room where Wufei and Trowa were sitting on the coach watching TV.  
  
He glared at Wufei for a while before he sat down. He didn't like that Wufei and Trowa had been alone together, especially since Wufei had the habit of stealing people's boyfriends.  
  
He curled up next to Trowa and wrapped his arms possessively around the green-eyed boy's waist.  
  
Mine he thought and gave Wufei another glare.  
  
After a long while of silence their peace was interrupted by a terrible piercing shriek that could have made a person go deaf if they were too close to the source.  
  
There was only one person in the world that was able to kill a person with just their voice alone and that was the accursed she-demon, Relena.  
  
All the boys hated her, even Quatre, which says a lot.  
  
A couple of minutes later said demon came charging into the living room looking quite disheveled and panicked.  
  
"Where's Heero? I have to find Heero," she said in a voice that was tinged with the beginnings of hysteria. "He has to know that me, the love of his life, is being stalked so that he may hunt the person down and kill them in a fit of jealousy."  
  
They all glared at her in unison and then promptly ignored her. They all knew thst she knew where Heero's room was and that she was just trying to be overly dramatic.  
  
"Don't you understand?" she whined, "This is very important for Heero to know. He should be informed when someone else has eyes on me, his beloved."  
  
Wufei had had his limit of whiny women for the day. It was enough that he had to suffer through being around Sally for thirty whole minutes and he was unwilling to put up with the female species for any longer.  
  
"Women!" he roared, "Get the fuck out of this house. We can't stand you, you are the spawn of Satan, Heero has absolutely no feelings for you whatsoever and you're only alive right now because, well, we don't feel like wasting our time on you. So, I ask that you not tempt fate or I will personally rip your heart out through your chest and shove it down your evil little throat."  
  
Through the entire rant she stood there unfazed and when it was done she blinked a couple of times and said, "So, you're the one that sent me that note. When Heero finds out that you're stalking me he will not be happy. He might just kill you."  
  
"What the fuck are you talking about women? How the hell did you come up with some crazy ass conclusion such as that? Are you even fucking listening to me?" screamed Wufei.  
  
"I hope Heero would put anyone willing to stalk you out of his or her misery," muttered Trowa under his breath.  
  
Again she seemed totally oblivious to the whole thing, except this time she ignored them completely and went off into the general direction of Heero's room.  
  
Duo came down the stairs, naked except for a pair of boxers and looked at the other pilots questioningly.  
  
"What the hell was that all about?" he asked, "All's I saw was a pink blur run up the stairs past me and nearly made me fall flat on my ass."  
  
"Relena seems to have come to the conclusion that Wufei is stalking her and so she feels the need to inform Heero of this and.," Trowa didn't even get to finish his explanation because Duo ran off after Relena yelling loudly, "Dammit, that fucking bitch just doesn't know when she's not wanted. Heero needs his rest, he hasn't exactly been himself lately and now that bitch just decides to march in here and."  
  
The rest of his rant went unheard as he got out of hearing distance.  
  
The three pilots were left there standing in a shocked silence, unable to think until Quatre had another one of his giggling fits and started hyperventilating or something because he swayed and fell into Trowa's arms.  
  
"That was weird, " Trowa said to no one in particular and then they all went back to watching TV.  
  
End Note: I decided to stop there for now, but dun worry, I will continue. This is way too entertaining for me to give up just yet. Reviews are greatly appreciated. ^_^ If you know what I mean *coughs* Well, sayanora! *flaps her wings a few times and flies off* 


End file.
